A new realisation
It’s been three days of not drinking and four days not smoking but I’m still wiping the slate clean. I realise I have another addiction that has plagued me for the past 12-18 months, a sex addiction.
The only positive is that is with my wife but the dark side of it is that is when she is on cocaine. We have been together for a very, very long time and the sex was getting dry you would expect but since she started doing cocaine it unlocked a side I have never seen and we started getting experimental.
Last night we did the deed and at the end I’m left with an empty feeling. I encourage her to get a bag, I fund and source, purely for my own pleasures. The sex is rough and not a love making exercise but purely performative. It’s not healthy and I would say bordering on manipulative. She concents and enjoys it but it’s not natural or healthy.
I told her last night that I have decided I’m no longer doing this. It’s going to be tough as this is the biggest release of dopamine for when I get rid of drugs and alcohol but it’s the last thing stopping me from Demigod status.
I’m not saying I’m not gonna have sex with my wife anymore. But from now on it’s just going to be substance free boring old vanilla sex.
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