Ending the year in a low

Dec 23, 2025, 10:00 PM

I’m in the midst of my biggest binge since I got sober in 2023. I checked my last post which was on the 3rd, 20 days ago and mentioned I was in my pits. Well I haven’t even got one foot on the ladder to climb out, I’ve just been wallowing at the bottom for the past month. It’s Christmas in a couple days and daily life has just whizzing by.

I’m extremely out of shape and even in discomfort pretty much every day. I have a dead left arm which I suspect is from a neck/nerve injury but it has me rattled.

Work is rough at the moment. It’s a well known secret, even my manager told me in a one-on-one, that many people including myself will be made redundant in January. At the same time there is a feature that “has” to be delivered for a product which is been put into maintenance mode that nobody uses. To top it off the tech stack for this is the worst choice possible.

I have an unrelated side business which some days I am obsessed, other days not interestd at all, and on some important days even relieved when they’re over so I can just get back to smoking weed.

I need an escape plan for this attempt.

Today is the night before Christmas eve. I throw everything out tonight, I face tomorrow and all it will bring. Christmas day I have drinks but refuse weed from brother-in-law. From boxing day out I am drug and alcohol free welcoming the new year. Then I fucking hit it. Meaning the routines and systems to get me back to being - a Demigod. I promise that next year when I’m writing up my December posts I am going to be in the best shape of my life, physically and mentally.

Also I’m setting an alarm in my phone to post here tomorrow and every night after.